"How are you able to do this?"

Almost every time I go somewhere with the boys or mention that I have four boys under four (with twins) I get the same question:  "How are you doing this?"  I normally give some rather clever response of "um, well, er, I'm not sure."  When I had Landan and Carson I was incredibly emotional for quite some time.  I actually think I might have had postpartum depression or the baby blues that lasted a little longer.  I would cry almost every time I woke up to feed one of them (especially Landan).  I came out of both of the these times okay, so I am convinced now that it was just hormones.  So with all of this in my past, you can imagine the fear of real PPD when I found out about the twins.  Lucas and I would talk all the time about how we would handle it if it happened and what the options were.  I sincerely thought I was going to be a wreak when they were born.  After they were here and we got home I had a few nights of tears but I also had good nights.  Lucas and I would pray that we would focus on the good nights and not so much on the bad.  It hit me yesterday that I can't remember the last time I cried or even why I cried.  I am amazed!  I started to think why this was different this time.  The only thing I can think of is that I have the most amazing husband.  Lucas has been incredible through all of this.  With Landan and Carson I think he might have gotten up a handful of times with them in the middle of the night.  I did most of it on my own (in his defense, I was breast feeding and he was in grad school, worked full time and eventually had to travel for work).  With the twins he has been getting up with me for the last month EVERY night.  I feel like we are in the battle together when we are feeding them together and because we are doing this we both have been getting more sleep and better sleep.  He makes the bottles for the middle of the night feedings, he washes the bottles in the morning before he goes to work, he has been coming home during his lunch break to help me put the big boys down for a nap, he goes grocery shopping for us, he makes me coffee in the morning, he has even made a few meals for us recently, this past weekend he bought me flowers, and just this morning he got up the the babies and let me sleep in.  I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.  I really believe that God has given me an incredible partner in this life and because of him I have actually had some really good days.  Even the bad days don't seem so bad.  So I need to start telling people who ask me how I am doing this: "I am not doing this alone and couldn't do it, if I didn't have Lucas!"  I will confess that I did start to get emotional this morning when I was thinking of this and how much I have to be grateful for.

I also want to say the postpartum depression is a very real problem and I am grateful I was spared of this.  Most however are not.  I pray that those who are battling this will seek help and that they will have the courage to do so.

I love you so much Lucas!