My heart!

When I was pregnant with Landan, (about five years ago) my mom had a lot of advice to give me.  She told me a lot and was incredibly helpful and I am very grateful for all she did and said.  Unfortunately, I really only remember one thing.  She has said this to me multiple times, my dad has even said it once or twice.  I honestly don't think I could forget it now if I tried.
"Having a child is like having your heart living outside your body."
I didn't fully understand this until I held my first child in my arms.  I think I learn new meanings of this almost everyday.  I saw a new layer of this last week.  I have known that Landan has always had struggles with things in his life.  He gets very overwhelmed by things, and he panics over things he can't control.  He has many battles in his mind over a lot of things and I really believed that by putting him in school he would find the structure and order he would need to get over these things or find a way to deal with these things.  Watching my son struggle over these things is very difficult for my.
Heartbreaking.
What is even more difficult is knowing that school might not help him.  I think he is going to need a lot more help.  I will tell you, no matter what it is that he needs, I will do it.  No matter what the problem is, my heart will get the help he needs to make this life more bearable.

Nanny Diaries

Landan has been in school for a little over a month and I am so excited by how he is doing and all of the friends he is making.  I was inspired to start to talk to some of the other moms and get to know them too.  So last week we went on field trip and I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to get to know some of them.  I started with one mom who seemed to have kids around my boys ages or close enough, so we were talking and she made it known very quickly that she was not their mom, she was the nanny.  Ok.  I was wrong about that one.  I started to scan the group and started to wonder who else I was wrong about.  Almost all of the kids in school have nannies, some have au pairs, and almost all of them have some one who helps them regularly helps them with there TWO kids.
One woman told me she has her au pair watch her youngest while she drops her son off at school.  I leave my youngest in the van while I run in to drop Landan off a school.  I lock the doors and run really fast.  Do you know how hard it is lug the twins in those carriers?
On Thursday, I over heard two nannies planning a play date for two of the boys in his class.  I guess my plan for getting to know some of the moms is going to be me getting to know some of the nannies.
The irony of it all is, I think some of them don't even work!
Oh well!

Preschool

                                      Landan getting ready for school.  I think he was excited!

Here he is ready to learn!

Last week Landan started school.  He goes to preschool Tues, Wed, Thurs, for only three hours.  I was a wreak last week.  I was really worried that he was going to have major separation anxiety.  I expected him to throw major fits when I left, so for weeks ahead of time I worked with him to avoid this at all costs.

When that Thursday came, we all got ready and actually got out on time and worked our way over to school.  He was a champ!  He didn't get at all upset, he actually left me just fine.  So I ran out the door!  However, when I went to pick him up, I was completely sideswiped with a totally different issue I hadn't expected.  He apparently had four temper tantrums that morning.  When Landan throws a fit, everyone within a mile radius knows that Landan is upset.  When his teacher told me, all of my excitement from the morning goodbyes was deflated.  I knew there was going to be a transition period, but four fits in three hours is crazy!  We had to talk and talk we did.  All weekend we talked about how big boys use words and talk about what they are feeling and not scream about it.  We talked about how our actions affect others around us.  On Sunday night, after three days of talking about his bad day, Landan decided that he wanted to "try school again" (his words).  Tuesday comes and goes (with crazy anticipation all morning) and when I go to pick him up, his teacher tells me that she is amazed at his change!  I am thrilled at this news.  I am very hopeful of great changes in him this year and I cannot believe just how different he is in just one week!

"Vacation"

We all have done it!  I know I have, and if you are honest with yourself, you have done it too!  You buy a new book you have wanted for a while.  You make a new playlist on your ipod.  You get to lookin' your best and buy yourself a treat (I always got a way over priced cup of coffee).  You settle in your seat on the plane early on and you watch everyone walk on the plane.  You start to play the guessing game.  Who is going to sit by me?  Please tell me that lady with the kid isn't sitting here.
Now picture my crazy crew walking down the isle.  It gives a new meaning to the saying "if looks could kill..."  We are a frequent flyers worst nightmare.  I wish I could wear a video camera to show everyone the crazy looks I get on a regular basis, but this trip was especially crazy.  I am not sure if everything was magnified this time with all of our stuff, we had a lot of stuff.  The hardest part is that I know that we look crazy and that we did probably drive everyone on the flight nuts, but that didn't stop me from wanting to telling some people off.
"Have a little sympathy, you may have been slightly inconvenienced on your flight but you can go back to your perfectly, awesome life in a couple of hours and you will be no worse for ware.  I, on the other hand, bring this crazy with me everywhere I go".  This is what I would have said if I had been in my right mind and if I wasn't trying to keep all of my children happy, feed, dry, entertained and from running amuck in the airport terminal.
Sympathy, thats all I want!  Is that too much to ask for?
:)

All our loot!  People actually ran away from us!

The Move!

So we moved and as anticipated, there was not a dull moment!  I cannot begin to describe the insanity, so I will just give you highlights of the weekend.
Thursday:
We had no power all day!  It was 95 degrees that day, a lot of fun for us.
We celebrated Landan's 4th birthday at "Club Chuckie", I mean Chuck E Cheese.  WOW!
Ethan, my five month old baby, got punched in the face by a little girl at the party.  Fun!
Friday:
Lost power, again, for about an hour.
Rushed to finish packing!
Found out Uhaul lost our reservation, so had to completely change around our plan for the whole weekend.
Saturday:
Had the women's retreat (totally distracted).
Got stuck in crazy traffic rushing home.
Lucas picked up truck, which had no parking brake.
Loads up the truck with some guys, while I take the boys to hang out at my moms for a few hours.
We "sleep" on an air mattress with no sheet and no pillows.
The boys sleep on their mattresses on the floor.
Sunday:
I go to Women's service with two babies, Lucas takes the big boys with him in the truck to his service.
We meet at the new house so I can take all four boys to my moms.
I go to old house to clean at about 2:30 pm, have to be out at 5 pm.
At 4:30 new tenants show up and I am no where near done.
Finally finish a little after 5, but it doesn't look like I want it to but I don't really care any more!

This was, by far, one of the craziest weekends of my life!  I think it took us like three days to recover.  I seriously don't ever want to move again!
I won't even go into the nonsense that is going on with our old landlord, who is refusing to give us our deposit back until we do all this extra work on HER house for her.  Or the fact that our box-spring doesn't fit upstairs, so we are sleeping on just the mattress.
I will be so happy when we can throw away the last box, when we can get the boys back on a regular schedule, when we can finally say it is all over!

Note to self: Don't move again for a very, long time.

As I write this I am surrounded by mountains of boxes and empty white walls.  The twins are on the floor with nothing to play with and the big boys are upstairs playing with a few empty boxes.  You haven't really lived until you decide to move with four little ones.  I don't know what we were thinking, but we are in the midst of a move.  Everyday, on top of our normal craziness, I pack a few boxes and clean a few things in preparation of our move this weekend.  This weekend isn't just our move, it is also a women's retreat and Landan's 4th birthday.  How did that happen?  Why is it all happening at the same time?  I want to go to sleep Friday night and wake up Sunday night and it all be over!  Is that possible?  I keep telling myself, it is going to work out and I just have to be calm.  I think I have been telling myself that for the last year and it has worked out, way better than I expected.  So I guess this move will be no different.  I should have some interesting and crazy stories to post after this experience!   :)

Updated pictures